On the 7th March, Esther and I went for a workshop at the Tate Liverpool with Jennifer Collier.

We started off the morning by looking through her portfolio, most of which I had seen before as I have researched her for previous projects, which made the whole experience very exciting for me; meeting an artist who's work I like so much.

We then did a couple of techniques that she uses in her work, most of which I had used before, like trapping things in teabags and using wax.

All of the little samples we made went towards making a little "sketchbook", made in the style of her work.

We then went to have a look at the Glam exhibition as that is what our afternoons work would be based on, however we didn't have much time to look around, so I couldn't find much inspiration for my FMP, but we were given an open ticket to the exhibition so I will definitely be going again to have a good look around and hopefully I shall find something relevant or inspirational.

Although I don't think any of the techniques will be relevant in my project it was still a wonderful opportunity and a great experience; working with a current and contemporary artists.

(I was so amazing starstruck, originally I couldn't go to the workshop, but then plans changed and I was available, so I could go, yay).

So remember, each day, live a little, laugh a little and love a little. ♥

Right, it is no secret that I'm not exactly skinny, and since I pay £24 a month for the gym I am determined to lose some proper weight this time...and keep it off. When I first started at the gym I went every single day for about 2 weeks, I lost 7 pounds in the first week, but surprise surprise that all came back on when I actually ate a normal amount of food, and couldn't go to the gym as much. I think I was only eating about 800 calories a day, which obviously isn't good for your.

But now I am doing it properly, I am having a proper breakfast (usually Special K, it's nommy, and it means I get some calcium) and making sure I eat lots of fruit and have vegetables instead of chips with my tea.

I've even had a proper program made at the gym, that is how determined I am.

My program consists of:

(warm up)

Ten minutes on the cross trainer, levels 1-5 and back down to 1.

(main cardio)

10 minutes on a bike, alternating between 80RPM and 100RPM

(other cardio)

5 minutes on the rowing machine, at level 1-4, staying at at least 35m/s

(resistant work)

Chest Press, 5kg, 15 reps, 3 sets

Leg Press, 25kg, 15 reps, 3 sets

Sitting Rower (rear deltoids), 5 kg, 15 reps, 3 sets

Abdominal Crunch Machine, 25kg, 15 reps, 3 sets

Backwards Leg Extension Machine, 20kg, 15 reps, 3 sets

Tricep Dip, 15kg, 12 reps, 3 sets

Abdominal Twist, 25kg, 15 reps, 3 sets

(cool down)

Ten minutes on a bike (with back support), levels 1-5 and back down to 1, keeping a steady pace.

Overall this takes me just over an hour, depending on how often I need to go get a drink of water from the fountain.

I've not been measuring my individual body parts which I probably should be doing, but in the past 5 days, I've lost about a kilogram, which is what, about 2 pounds? So that's okay I guess, although I have been to the gym 4 days in a row in the last 5 days (I didn't go today, my legs hurt too much).  Also I'm pretty sure my bum has already gotten a little smaller/m,ore toned, as I nearly got back into size 10 (US size6) jeans, but my bum is still a little too big, so I had to get the bigger size; the waistband is massive! I'll just have to wear a belt, *sigh*.

 I would also just like to point out, it's a 2 mile walk from my boyfriends house to the gym, and just under a mile from college, so I put a fair amount of effort in just getting there.

I've also been told that swimming is really good for weight loss? Would someone like to verify that for me?

So wish me luck on my weight loss journey.

So remember, each day, live a little, laugh a little and love a little. ♥

(This post was written before I starting going out with my current boyfriend).

***

This is going to be a very frank post, somewhat emotional for me, at parts. Some of these things I have never shared before, some of my fears. I am a little scared by the prospect at what people may find this post, I don't want to be judged, although it does not matter what some people think of me, but I should not have to take criticism. So let's begin:

My "Love" Life did not start easily, boys, because they truly were boys at the time, were never interested in me until I turned 15, it must have been like some trigger went off, and guys would suddenly found me attractive, an absurd as that is. Until then I had spent my years being rejected by any guy I had the slight amount of interest in. I had constant thoughts of not being good enough, wondering if I was a horrible person, if there was just something wrong with me, if I was hideous, or if I was just repulsive. Some nights I was reduced to tears because I felt so unwanted. Obviously looking back those evenings were silly and a waste of my time, but I'm sure everyone experiences moments like these.

Then a few months before my 16th birthday I met my first boyfriend at a friends party. I'm sure we all know the feeling when you meet and become the girlfriend of your first boyfriend; your heart swells and everything feels slightly perfect, and when you fall in love everything becomes a little more perfect. Looking back I know I loved him, but I'm not so sure I was in love with him, we would have broken up at some point, we didn't have enough in common, which you don't necessarily realise when you're together and happy, but although I was crushed when we broke up, especially as it was over a silly break up, it really helped me grow up a little bit.

One of my other boyfriends, I was definitely in love with, everything with him was as easy as breathing, he was funny, creative, good looking, clever, had a wonderful family and lived in a lovely city. And although it was a long distance relationship, we coped and it lasted for a year, which I think is rather impressive considering our ages. What I found when we broke up though was not that I only missed him, but I missed his family, I missed Brighton, I missed the travelling, I missed everything about our relationship, and what really breaks me the most is that he promised we would still be friends and yet now he won't even have a civil conversation with me, did I some how ruin his life by being with him, did I do something so wrong that he can't even bother to type a few words to me? All of these questions will never be answered, because I will not allow myself to be hurt by him again.

This is the emotional bit, although I have been in love with others, I, myself have never been loved. No one that I have ever loved, claims that they never loved me, one I never expected to, one said it to me, one said it to my friend, (seriously, what kind of idiot tells a girls best friend that? She is obviously going to tell me!). It all brings me back to the insecurities of my younger self, is there something about me that is unloveable, there must have been something to attract them to me in the first place and yet I remain unloved and unwanted. I rerun having a conversation about this with people, but I can never imagine their answers, would they faslely reassure me, make anything up and give me a blunt answer.

I keep thinking to myself that I know what I want, at least before I go to university, what I think I want is someone special, someone I can spend time with, who cares about me, wants me to be happy, will cuddle me during films and just sit on the sofa and laugh at my "funny" jokes, but I can't allow myself to fall in love, I can not allow something to stop me going to University, to stop me from growing up and that is what I'm afraid of this time, as well as building a wall between myself and whoever I find, because it'll be one or the other, I fall in love, or keep myself disconnected. There is no happy medium, but I can't stand being alone, I can't not express how unhappy I am when I'm alone, friends may fill the void, but it's not the same as a boyfriend. Not that any of this matters, because I find myself incapable of talking to any attractive male while sober, even then I rarely get flirted with, and no one is interested in getting to know me, I can't even remember the last time I got asked out on a date.

***

Since writing this post I have indeed found someone very very special.

What a surprose that I was drunk when I first kissed him, told you I couldn't talk to an attractive mail while sober! Oh deary me, but at least it ended up with us being together, and he really is a wonderful person!

But guess what? I have fallen in love, I couldn't help it, but it still isn't going to stop me going to University (something I think my mum is worried about), but he supports what I want to do, it just everything a little more complicated!

 He's so sweet, he seems to think I'm worth buying pretty stuff for!

I can't actually describe how happy he makes me, whenever I'm in his arms, I can't help but smile and when I wake up being cuddled by him I know it's going to be a good day, and if something goes wrong, he'll be there to cheer me up at the end of it.

Things may have gotten deeper than I thought they would, but as I've said you can't help falling in love!

Today we have been together for 2 months, so hopefully we'll do something nice.

***

So remember, each day, live a little, laugh a little and love a little. ♥

Today after being extremely lazy and not waking up until 10:36, which is very late for me! And then I didn't get out of bed until about 12, my boyfriend works from home so having any motivation to actually get out of bed is limited! When I eventually did get up I decided I wanted to actually do something with my day and it's been a while since I've made cakes (since my boyfriend's birthday in fact). So I decided to make cakes; yay!

Pink Vanilla Swirl Mini Cupcakes

Ingredients:

150g of margarine (softened)

150g of caster sugar

2 eggs

200g self-raising flour

milk

vanilla essence

red food colouring

Decoration:

butter (softened)

icing sugar

vanilla essence

galaxy chocolate (or which ever brand you prefer)

Makes 12

Preheat the oven to 180C/gas mark 4

Recipe:

1.

Cream together the margarine and sugar.

2.

Add the eggs and mix together.

3.

Sift in the flour and mix together.

4.

Add the milk and mix in until a cakey consistency is reached.

(What a terrible way of putting it but you know what I mean).

5.

Seperate the mixture into 2 bowls, add vanilla essence to one bowl and the red food colouring to the other bowl, use as much as you want until you achieve a nice pink colour, or red if that's what you want.

6.

First add a teaspoon full of white/cream mixture to each cupcake case.

7.

Then add a teaspoon of pink mixture to each case, (you can keep adding the mixture to the cases if you have extra).

8.

Once you have used all of your mixture, use the end of a teaspoon to swirl the mixtures together.

9.

Place in the oven for about 15 minutes, I checked mine after 10 just because our oven is crazy and burns the bottom really easily.

Once you have taken them out of the oven, let them cool for a little bit, then remove them from the cases (this is easier said then done if you used silicon cases like me, otherwise you can just keep them in the cases, although the cakes look extra small, because they are mini ones).

10.

Butter cream: add you softened butter to a bowl and add as much icing sugar as you like, begin to combine them, then add in a little vanilla extract and continue mixing until you have achieved the consistency and sugar-i-ness that you want.

11.

Once your cupcakes have cooled down you can put the butter cream on the top. I did mine by just dabbing on a teaspoon of it then spreading it around.

12.

Allow it to set slightly, only slightly, and then grate your chocolate over the top.

13.

You are done now; yay; so eat them if you like.

How cute are they!

I am actually extremely proud of them, they are so tiny and cute and if I ever have a baby shower for a little girl I shall be making these! Me with my big pregnant tummy will make these and lots of them!

(I am just clarifying that I'm not pregnant, that's just for the future).

Now to just make sure my boyfriend doesn't eat them all after dinner.

So remember, each day, live a little, laugh a little and love a little. ♥

Right Ladies,

I've started remembering more of my dreams lately (hopefully this means my sleeping pattern is getting back to normal; yay!), and one of the most recurring phenomena within them is that I don't have a fringe anymore! What has happened to the world!

So I think I am needing some advice on whether or not to keep it or grow it out (again).

Here are some photos that should provide you with visual evidence to use for analysis and evaluation (oh yeah, big words, it is a little late here and I'm rather tired!).

My fringe and I are in a love hate relationship, sometimes it looks nice, others it'll be the biggest pain in the arse ever! For instance in most photos I will have a fanny fringe (lovely name I know), which I can't stand. I also can't stand that it needs washing every other day and needs cutting every week, I had to start wearing it as a side fringe this weekend because it has gotten so long!

Although it does have it's advantages; like covering up occasional spots on my forehead (but I'm pretty sure those are cause by my fringe!). I know having a fringe can completely change the way you look, but I have no idea which looks better (loosing some weight would probably help with the looking better, but I'm slowly working on that, someone tell my boyfriend to stop feeding me rubbish and to let me cook vegetables). Also I don't want to have to go through the massive hassle of growing out my fringe if I'm only going to have it cut in again at some point, because it takes bloody ages and goes through so many awkward stages. One thing I will say, is that when/if I get married, many years in the future, I will not have a fringe, so my wedding will take at least a year to plan so that I have time to grow out my fringe, if I have one, I'm such an evil genius!

Anyway, please help!!!

So remember, each day, live a little, laugh a little and love a little. ♥

Thought I'd do a post about some pretty clothes and stuff I've seen recently, that I want, but won't admit to my boyfriend that I do...

My obsession with duck egg blue continues...

My boyfriend and I were in Outfit (a shop that sells about 5 of the high street brands; and since they've all closed in Southport, it's the closest place I can go to lust after clothes without going to Liverpool , and I'd been given a time limit of 15 minutes to look around, how ridiculous, and anyway, we come across this dress, that I stare at for a second then move on, but my boyfriend must have seen something light up in my eyes, because he instantly offered to buy it for me, it's £39, I am not letting him buy me something that expensive! Even though he is under the impression that if he'd asked one more time that I would have given in! He's always offering to buy me nice stuff, and it's not fair because I can't get him anything in return so I have to say no *sad face*, but how pretty is the dress.

And then I drag him over to the shoes because I love shoes! and see these nice black one, and I kind of need a nice black pair that I can wear with anything, because my old ones are either too tight, not high enough or are not suitable to wear with tights, deary deary me. So I put them on and they were lovely and he offered to buy me them and again I said no; dun dun duuuhhhhhh! He also found it funny that even with them on I still wasn't tall enough to kiss him without stretching up a little! (I am of perfectly average height, he was just being mean!

So yes, here are the pretty things I like very much at the moment, and wouldn't they be nice to wear to his Uncle's summer wedding? Am I an idiot for not letting him buy me stuff?

Ah well, whats done is done!

So remember, each day, live a little, laugh a little and love a little. ♥