At The Crossroads


(This was meant to be posted on Thursday, please excuse the delay)
Although it has crossed my mind to use my blog as a diary, I think that with all the craziness that goes on inside my head and my life that my lovely readers may end up thinking I'm insane. There is a tendency for blogs to portray their owners lives as perfect; it is a charade we all conform to even though we don't mean to, but I assure everyone my life is far from perfect. But it is only right that my readers who have loyally followed my "perfectness" get to see my vulnerable side (this side is quite large), so here is a little bit of what has been happening in my head recently.

Do you ever reach a point in your life where you doubt everything you think you've ever wanted. I know deep down things I really want, to grow up, fall in love, have a family etc. But I need a way to fund the life I want to have, my way of doing this will ideally be a job in the fashion industry. I've known since I was about 8 that I wanted to be a fashion designer and 10 years later I keep getting slightly closer to that reality.
I think that's why I'm freaking out a little. I got my A-levels results on Thursday, BBB, nothing amazing but it was what I was expecting, and in a month's time all my friends will be off to University while I'm stuck at home for another year, dealing with stuff I really don't want to. I'll be losing nearly all of my friends, friends who I really need at the minute, I know it's selfish, but everyone needs to be selfish sometimes, but if I kept everything to myself I'd be in tears every night. 

Here are some pretty daises so the post isn't too miserable!
Because I now have my results, I'm starting to question everything, although I want a career it'll never be the most important thing to me. And right now I find myself questioning what I really want to do. At this point in time I know I'm continuing this way because it's what I've been working towards, but who knows if this is what I was really made to do, perhaps I was meant to be a lawyer or a florist or even a writer, how am I meant to know and right now I really don't. I guess it's a good thing that I'm here for another year so that I can really think about my future, but I honestly think if I was going to University this year I wouldn't be having these doubts at all, because it would all be starting and I'd only be sad about leaving everyone I care about behind.
Everything is uncertain at the minute, but hopefully through waiting I'll find some answers.

So remember, each day, live a little, laugh a little and love a little. 

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4 Lovely messages

  1. Well done on your great results!!
    I think it's good that you're questioning what you want to do, sorry if that sounds awful! But it shows that you're really having a good think about things, whereas a lot of people probably don't really think about it and just go with the flow and take things as it comes.
    I have no idea what I want to do when I'm older, I'm definitely one of those people that just goes with the flow, which might come back to bite me on the arse if I realise I want to do something nothing to do with my university course ;)
    JW xxx

    1. Thank you!
      Yeah, I wish sometimes I could just go with the flow instead of over thinking things, it's just going to be so odd when everyone is gone!

  2. Very inspiring post!
    I'm 27...For ages I asked myself the question you are asking yourself. I worked so hard and had this dream and vision of being a Historian. Tons of schoolwork..etc..etc.. I also am divorced and didn't imagine myself actually falling in love. Well, I did fall in love, and my whole historian thing kinda shifted and now I find myself being a writer, and wanting to start a family in the near future. I don't mean to go into a whole long story.. lol
    But, the point is, I think it's healthy to change your mind and be undecided. I think without these forks in the road we never truly find ourselves. You're on that mission of doing so. I promise you that in the end, and in a few years (I'm not sure how old you are!) But you will find your calling! Until then, relax... and enjoy all the moments of being in your younger or mid twenty somethings! That's when the magic starts happening!

    1. It's weird how people's lives can change so much, and that's really point, how am I meant to know that after all my hard work that I'll actually be a fashion designer or I could have just been wasting my time for the past 4 years.
      And I'll try, thank you!


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